• November 22, 2014

No More Silent Tears

Monday 01/20/2014
A Tea Time tradition
As a mother of two extremely intelligent and beautiful daughters, it was only natural to want to protect them from the cruel treatment and bad behavior of their peers. So I constantly talked to them and taught them the things I thought would help them avoid some things and help them work through the things they could not change.
I created and dedicated time that we called Tea Time. This was the time where we would put on our favorite dressy attire. I'd set the table up my grandmother's antique tea set and we all had our favorite teas. We also had cake and ice cream, because this was a day I dedicated and set aside for my girls. It was also my time to validate and encourage them.
During Tea Time we sat and talked and discussed any issues we had somehow missed throughout the business of our day, and everything was centered on building their self esteem. I let them know that different didn't mean strange or ugly. It meant their very own uniqueness was created and tailored just for them. 
It is so important that parents take time to spend with their children. It's so worth it.
 

Posted in Silent tears on Monday, January 20, 2014 10:01 pm. | Tags: Tea , Tea Time , Self Esteem , Parenting , Childhood , Peer Pressure Comments (0)

Sunday 01/12/2014
Master your dreams, don't let your dreams master you
Creating memories that will last for generations has always been my motto. I grew up in a huge family but was raised as an only child. My mother with the help of my grandparents had the greatest influence and and reputation for instilling greatness in all of their children. We were taught about unity, and love, and family, We were taught about giving to those less fortunate than we were. We were also taught about entrepreneurship - owning businesses and being business-minded - and that being  self-sufficient was the foundation for it all.
 
So it was only natural for me and my family members to own our own businesses. Growing up with this came with pros and cons for me because I never wanted to dream too little. When I was 15 I spent a lot of time under my grandparents' wings, where wisdom was my teacher. Most of the verbal instructions were from my grandfather who wasn't a man of many words. He noticed me drifting into my crazy "all about boys" stage and began talking to me. He told me to master my dreams and not let my dreams master me.
 
The words followed me growing up but not until I became of age and maturity did I understand clearly what he meant.
 
I am the woman I am today because I had great parents and grandparents who chose to encourage whatever dreams and goals I desired to reach. As it stands today, they never had the opportunity to see what I have accomplished or my dreams being fulfilled. What they taught has never left me. it has pushed me to reach further than I could ever dream and master all that I set my mind to do.

Posted in Silent tears on Sunday, January 12, 2014 11:00 am. | Tags: Grandparents , Family , Social Sciences , Psychology , Domestic Violence , Parenting , Entrepreneurship Comments (0)

Wednesday 12/11/2013
Seek help now

Years after suffering my own abuse, I have witnessed people who I knew were in similar abusive situations. But because I was in fear I was unable to encourage them. I wanted to help but felt I couldn't. I was so afraid, to the point of becoming numb, and I desensitized my emotions and pain. I thought this was a way to get past all that I have gone through and I felt displaying this cover-up would help me move forward without dealing with the underlined issues.

But the more silent I became, the worse I felt. My defense mechanism was to forget as much of my past that I could so I didn't have to face it again.

Anyone who talked about abuse in general conversations made me more anxious and fearful. So I closed myself up not wanting to get help to cope with my issues that I had struggled with for so many years. The result of not getting the proper help and care was years of suppressed wounds that never healed.

Seeking help is so essential for a healthy life after abuse. Abuse has a lasting negative affect if it is not dealt with and treated.

I encourage anyone out there who is unable to seek help and speak about the experience to not wait any longer for the chance to get better. It is a life-changing experience.

Seek help now.

Posted in Silent tears on Wednesday, December 11, 2013 5:39 pm. | Tags: Abuse , Social Issues , Psychological Abuse , Violence And Abuse , Women , Mental Health Comments (0)

Tuesday 11/12/2013
Identifying red flags of abuse

In domestic violence relationships, red flags are present but we miss them. For me, I mistook them for love.

I thought my abuser cared so deeply for me because he wanted to know my whereabouts all the time. I felt he was concerned because he would call all the time, non-stop.

He made it easy for me to talk to him about everything. He would listen, but I didn't  know he was just taking notes to use against me later.

He became everything I needed him to be, so that I would be codependent on him. He became the friend I felt I was missing and the voice of reason. But he made me chase away the friends I had. The voice of reason was only a ploy to keep me from seeing who he really was.

He isolated me from my family and friends and told me he would hurt me and my family if I told that was hurting me.

So I missed all the red flags in the beginning. The things I felt I was lacking in others I found in him, and he became all that I needed and more.

It was easy for me to trust him because in the beginning he put up a façade - a mask he put on and took off in the presence of his friends. But behind closed doors he was the enemy. He abused me and used objects to beat me very badly.

I had to call him at his residence to let him know where I was, where I was going, and when I made it back to my own house.

It became scary. I isolated myself from my family and friends, in fear he would hurt me if he found out they knew.

What I learned is that red flags are hard to detect when you’re not sure if they are signs of abuse or love.

I know many victims are wondering if they are mistaken about the abusive behaviors of their partner. It can be hard to recognize red flags when you are in a violent crisis, because your whole focus is on survival.

Watch out for signs if you suspect you or someone else is being abused.

Do you recognize the red flags of abuse?

Posted in Silent tears on Tuesday, November 12, 2013 3:43 am. Updated: 3:51 pm. | Tags: Domestic Violence , Red Flag , Abuse , Social Issues , Women , Violence And Abuse Comments (0)

Monday 11/04/2013
When healing and recover begin
So many of us don‘t know what healing feels like or how to start recovering from abuse.

Domestic abuse comes in many forms, in every culture and background, it has no respect of person. Before I begin, I want to point out that you can’t help someone if you can’t help yourself first.

Healing for me took years. Even after I was no longer in the abuse, I was still a captive of my abuser 15 years later. I suffered from anxiety, depression, fear, unable to trust and or love myself. I thought I wasn’t worth anything. My self-esteem was low. I felt I was ugly. I saw my flaws more than the beauty that I was created.

My life was held captive by the one person who tried to suffocate my soul: my abuser still controlled my life, and I DIDN’T realize that I was still in bondage for many years.

I was scared to talk about the abuse in fear that he would find me and kill me in another country. I still looked for the face of my abuser to come out at any second.

In your mind there is this person trying to break free, crying out, and fighting the survivor inside to overcome the battles.

Healing began for me in 2008, after I spoke with the women at my local shelter. Days later I had the amazing opportunity to speak for the very first time without fear.

The people at the shelter thought I was a counselor, asking who I worked for in the community. I told them I was a survivor.

Some women were receptive, others were reserved and unreceptive. I understood because I was there in the place they were in where you feel although, you are alone and no one understands.

But for me, healing began when I started to speak with these women. I began to feel free from the pain and the struggle to survive.

I had not felt that way since before the abuse began.

Healing begins once we talk about the abuse.
 
Abuse is often silent and hidden, so we have to exposed it in order to be released from it.
 
 

Posted in Silent tears on Monday, November 4, 2013 1:05 pm. Updated: 3:32 pm. | Tags: Domestic Violence , Abuse , Social Issues , Self-esteem , Violence , Counselor , Violence And Abuse , Support Group , Women Comments (2)