This past week I discovered two things never to do in the shower — both slightly embarrassing and both, oddly enough, have little to do with bathing.
I will start here. We were expecting to have our bathtub fixed last week. It has been leaking a little bit of water into my closet because the tiles are loose. They need to be replaced, according to the tile guy — who is different than the plumber. The plumber recommended a completely different fix but agreed the tiles were the problem.
But let’s not focus on that.
Prior to the plumber arriving, I decided I would give the tub a more thorough scrubbing than normal. So, like a good little housekeeper, I grabbed my cleaning supplies and climbed into the bathtub.
I should mention that the bathing well is the size of a small hot tub for two. Climbing into the porcelain vessel puts you behind a 2½-foot-tall wall.
Once inside, I sprinkled my Comet and Softscrub around the tub just as my mother taught me years ago and turned on the water to start taking off the grime, soap scum, lime buildup and what have you.
Living in this house for a year, I have cleaned the tub before but mostly with quick sprays and wipe downs. I was really getting into the scrubbing now and had enough water in the bottom of the tub to clean my rag and brush and wet surfaces as I worked.
As I moved from the tile to the side of the porcelain wall, I bent down and began to press hard on the walls of the bathtub to really clean its surface.
When I applied more pressure, the water under my feet made me slip, and the next thing I knew I was on my back.
I literally half-piped the side of the tub with my bare feet. My legs were in the air. I was mostly on my bum but a little bit on my back, and I was covered in water.
It happened so fast I didn’t even scream or swear. I sat there for a second thinking: “that should have hurt a lot worse.”
Luckily, I landed on my too-thick wallet and I am still somewhat flexible and young.
After laughing a bit, I finished up cleaning the tub with less rigor and climbed out and changed out of my dripping clothes.
The next incident was a little more shocking — and more painful.
I had finished showering and grabbed a towel off the edge of shower wall and began drying off. As I looked down. I noticed that I was covered with hair. Little bits of hair everywhere.
Yes, with my age and history of male pattern baldness in the family, I do lose hair while drying off, but it had never been like this. The hair was shorter and darker than normal, too.
“What is going on?” I asked myself out loud, even though no one else was around.
Freaking out for a couple of more minutes and taking some stares into the mirror. I finally recognized the problem.
I had trimmed and shaved my beard the day prior. While shaving is frequent, the trimming occurs about once to twice a month, building a larger amount of facial hair. I must have placed the towel I used during the trim back on the towel rack by mistake.
Ah, there is nothing like freaking yourself out because of something you did.