After my near table-flipping incident at the Brooke Army Medical Center a few weeks ago, I realized I have lost touch.
I have been so caught up in the process of getting pregnant and so hung up on our failures, that my initial baby joy has been tarnished.
I wanted to apologize to our future Lynchling and make things right with the fertility gods.
Dear Future Little Baby Lynch, I think about you every day, in all of the little things, and the big things. Both your dad and I cannot wait to meet you. We are eager and trying so hard to be patient, which hasn’t been easy on my end.
We aren’t really sure how you’ll end up in our arms, but I know one day, we will hold you. We pray for you, and all of our families and friends pray for you. I want you to know I think about holding you, and kissing you, and feeding you.
I think about waking up when the world is asleep to watch you dream. I think about the times you won’t calm, and how my heart already swells with pain for you when the doctor has to prick you. I think about the moments you first become mobile — your first roll-over, your first crawl, your first steps. I think about the first time you discover your hands and feet. I think about what we will teach you. The hope is you’ll always know how truly loved you are.
I can’t wait to be your first teacher and show you the world. I want you to know how loved you are, how wanted you are. I think about watching you come into your own. Helping you discover your talents and weaknesses, helping you create and learn.
I can’t wait to introduce you to your grandparents. Your aunts and uncles and cousins are so much fun. I can’t wait to see you feel confident and to foster your adventurous side. I’m so excited to see you fall in love, and make lasting friendships.
I can’t wait to introduce you to music and have you be my sous chef in the kitchen. I can’t wait until your dad teaches you all about sports, and that you’ll grow to love playing them just as he has.
I hope you learn to have your dad’s demeanor. He’s the best man you’ll ever know. I can’t wait to watch him open up his heart to you, just as he has with me. You’ll love him so much. Just as I do. You will complete our family and you will grow up with two proud pooches.
I’m doing my best to not tear up when I learn about a friend’s new baby blessing. I do my best to observe and learn from friends and family who are exceptional parents. I do my best to feel hopeful that someday you’ll be here and you will be ours to spoil.
I hope you will forgive me for the times it gets hard, and the times that I lack the faith I need to remember you’re going to come when God wants you to. I am doing my best to prepare my body and my mind for you. So I can be the best me I can be, so you can have the best life.
We will be patient, Little Baby Lynch. You can hang out in Heaven for as long as you need to, but just know we will do everything we can to bring you home.