• December 19, 2014

Progress can be painful, but it’s exciting

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Posted: Friday, March 14, 2014 4:30 am

You know you really want something when you are willing and eager to stab yourself in the abdomen for several days.

After riding the emotional infertility roller coaster for many months, I was finally able to change course. We could finally pass go and collect $200.

A cyst emerged during my post-op visit and put a three-week wrench in our progress. Seems like whenever we take one step forward we take several steps back.

Several trips to Austin later revealed the cyst was gone and it was time to move on to the next stage: stimulations.

Before the doctor had a chance to finish his sentence, I threw my hands up in the air in excitement and started to cry. Being able to make progress and take strides toward something you have wanted for so long is such an amazing feeling. I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

I may complain about the military’s medical system and my access to care, but I was singing Tricare’s prescription drug coverage’s praises when I picked up all my prescriptions. One of them would have cost me almost $600, but I walked out of the specialty care pharmacy with only a $41 dent in my pocket.

I stood in front of my bathroom mirror, sweating for nearly an hour, unable to stick myself with the tiny subcutaneous needle. My husband, God bless him, was no help and nearly fainted when I asked him for a hand.

I was all bravado in the doctor’s office last week when the nurse gave me my tutorial. I told her I had this shot business in the bag and I was good to go, no problemo. However, when it was go time on my end, I couldn’t muster up the courage and that’s when the water works started.

One of the only things standing between me and what I want lies within this injection and I couldn’t go through with it. Lucky for me, once I got myself in check, I remembered one of my neighbors is nurse. She came to the rescue and has been administering my injections for me (Thank you, Nurse Leslie) all week.

I’ve been making the hour drive into Austin several times a week to check in on how my body is responding to the drugs, and I’ll take slow progress over no progress any day.

When I look back at all that I have learned since embarking on this arduous journey two years ago, I’m optimistic that all that I have endured is not for nothing and it will lead to something worth waiting for.

Even if this round of treatments isn’t successful, I at least know I’m going in the right direction and that this course of action is working. My doctor even said getting the dosage right is kind of a guessing game in the beginning because no two women respond the same way.

I find comfort in knowing that becoming a mom is indeed a very real possibility for me and that I’m not just chasing a dream.

Going through the infertility jungle has tested me both emotionally and physically and has put my marriage through the ringer.

Yet, despite the many ups and the downs and my hormones going haywire, my husband has been my rock. He may be a man of very few words, but he always seems to know the right things to say when it counts.

My friends and co-workers have lent me their shoulders and their ears and my mother and sister are my biggest cheerleaders. As much as this process involves me, I wouldn’t have made it this far without support and encouragement.

My quest is far from over, but I have some pretty great people in my corner, rooting me on.

Vanessa Lynch is editor of the Harker Heights Herald. Contact her at vlynch@kdhnews.com or 254-501-7567.

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