As a mother of two extremely intelligent and beautiful daughters, it was only natural to want to protect them from the cruel treatment and bad behavior of their peers. So I constantly talked to them and taught them the things I thought would help them avoid some things and help them work through the things they could not change.
Creating memories that will last for generations has always been my motto. I grew up in a huge family but was raised as an only child. My mother with the help of my grandparents had the greatest influence and and reputation for instilling greatness in all of their children. We were taught about unity, and love, and family, We were taught about giving to those less fortunate than we were. We were also taught about entrepreneurship - owning businesses and being business-minded - and that being self-sufficient was the foundation for it all.
Years after suffering my own abuse, I have witnessed people who I knew were in similar abusive situations. But because I was in fear I was unable to encourage them. I wanted to help but felt I couldn't. I was so afraid, to the point of becoming numb, and I desensitized my emotions and pain. I thought this was a way to get past all that I have gone through and I felt displaying this cover-up would help me move forward without dealing with the underlined issues.
In domestic violence relationships, red flags are present but we miss them. For me, I mistook them for love.
So many of us don‘t know what healing feels like or how to start recovering from abuse. Domestic abuse comes in many forms, in every culture and background, it has no respect of person. Before I begin, I want to point out that you can’t help someone if you can’t help yourself first. Healing for me took years. Even after I was no longer in the abuse, I was still a captive of my abuser 15 years later. I suffered from anxiety, depression, fear, unable to trust and or love myself. I thought I wasn’t worth anything. My self-esteem was low. I felt I was ugly. I saw my flaws more than the beauty that I was created. My life was held captive by the one person who tried to suffocate my soul: my abuser still controlled my life, and I DIDN’T realize that I was still in bondage for many years. I was scared to talk about the abuse in fear that he would find me and kill me in another country. I still looked for the face of my abuser to come out at any second. In your mind there is this person trying to break free, crying out, and fighting the survivor inside to overcome the battles. Healing began for me in 2008, after I spoke with the women at my local shelter. Days later I had the amazing opportunity to speak for the very first time without fear. The people at the shelter thought I was a counselor, asking who I worked for in the community. I told them I was a survivor. Some women were receptive, others were reserved and unreceptive. I understood because I was there in the place they were in where you feel although, you are alone and no one understands. But for me, healing began when I started to speak with these women. I began to feel free from the pain and the struggle to survive. I had not felt that way since before the abuse began. Healing begins once we talk about the abuse. Abuse is often silent and hidden, so we have to exposed it in order to be released from it.