Stephanie Grissom

Stephanie Grissom

I love giving gifts. I really hate shopping, but shopping for Christmas gifts is a completely different thing. There is nothing like the rush of stumbling on an item that screams, “This is perfect for (insert name here)!”

Gift-giving can be a tricky business, though. It should be something that will remind that person of you, and should also be something that they will love. I try to find things they would never have thought of otherwise, things they would never buy themselves. I also try to find things that are crazy-unique, emphasis on crazy.

When it comes to finding crazy-unique, I find the internet helps.

Word of caution: beware the rabbit-hole that is the internet. I thought it would be a cool idea to look for some candy that would take my youngest brother on a trip down memory lane. A couple of hours later, I’d managed to find a site that specializes in interesting-flavored lollipops — to include absinthe and breast milk.

So, to help you on your own gift-giving journey, I have here a very tiny list of some of the more interesting (read: bizarre) finds I’ve stumbled across this year on my own journey. I should note here that everything on this list can be purchased on Amazon (affordably!), if you’re brave enough to go looking.

HOUSEHOLD

Body pillows are all the rage, and I found a disembodied boyfriend/husband pillow that does the trick, too, complete with lifeless hand, the better to hold you at night. The product description actually reads, “... buff man’s upper torso, which looks suave and debonair in a handsome T-shirt cover.”

I am assuming you can change the shirt, much like a Ken doll. It goes on to say that it is an ideal choice for anyone who “desires the feel of a strong but gentle man’s embrace.” It’s a steal at only 39.95.

I also found a bubble wrap suit, which, given how accident-prone I am, would be ideal for me (I could probably use two, one for home, one for work — at only 17.95, I think two would be quite affordable). It comes with pants and a shirt/jacket, and is made from real bubble wrap that is pop-able.

For the science lover, Amazon carries real uranium ore. It comes packaged in a metal can, and is (only slightly) radioactive. Priced at only 39.95, I contemplated buying this for my stepfather, but found I couldn’t afford the DeLorean or the Flux Capacitor to go with it in order to make his Christmas complete.

PETS

This year, consider the Madagascar Hissing Cockroach. You can buy a live pair on Amazon for the low price of $12.50 (much cheaper than the traditional puppy or kitten), which says they make great pets.

The pair is comprised of one male and one female, all the better for breeding, though apparently you can contact the company and request two of the same sex if breeding roaches isn’t your thing. You can also purchase an even dozen of things as an adult starter colony for $38.00.

Then, there is the cockroach castle you can purchase for your little guys. It’s an actual castle they can run around in for exercise (and enjoyment), and also comes with food and water dishes and a leash for tethering, and, presumably, walking your roach for maximum health benefits.Keep your cockroaches fit AND entertained for only $29.99.

LITERATURE

Being a cat lover myself, I found two titles that are must-haves for any cat lover in your life. “How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Control” discusses such important topics as gun safety, abstinence, internet predators, and how to survive an apocalypse as they pertain to your feline’s nine lives. Save your cats from reckless behavior for $10.99 on Kindle.

For cat owners, there is “Crafting with Cat Hair,” a book that shows how to take all that stray cat fur and turn it into creative handicrafts. WITH your cat. It’s a steal at $1.99 for the Kindle edition.

For dog lovers, get a calendar for the new year — Amazon has one that features 12 months of doggies doing what they do best ... their business. It’s a steaming hot item, and only $16.99.

FOOD

Food items always make the best gifts! This is why I went looking for nostalgic candy, for my brother, and where I also found some white chocolate-and-sake-flavored Kit Kats. This isn’t too weird, just a little strange, but…

I found that there are plenty of companies that have jumped on the Harry Potter gross-flavored-jellybean train, especially as pertains to soda. One company makes soda in flavors such as buffalo wing and ranch dressing. I even found another company that makes soda in grass and dirt flavors. Prices range from $2.99 to $6.97. A bargain for anyone who craves the taste of fizzy pickles.

Finally, just in time for the holidays, there are also companies that make meat-flavored candy canes. After perusing offerinigs of everything from rotisserie chicken to macaroni and cheese, I found a little gem hidden away called “Clamdy Canes.” Yep, clam-flavored candy canes, for those who pine for a taste of a seaside Christmas. The product description reads, “One shell of a candy!” Eschew the traditional peppermint and suck on some clams — and it will only cost you $7.99 clams of your own for a box of 6. Festive!

Christmas can be an expensive business, so I compiled the items on this oh-so-helpful list with the budget-minded in mind. But the journey continues.

Join me next time for a look at some of the more “interesting” items out there for the person with money to burn (if you thought this list was strange, you’re in for a real treat) ...

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