Serving traditional good- luck food on New Year’s Day is so important to start things off right. For me and my family, this has meant a blending of traditions.
My father, southern born, brought black-eyed peas and cornbread to the table (pun intended). My mother’s Midwestern German roots brought pork and sauerkraut.
These are the foods that I have served every single New Year’s Day since I began cooking.
Save for last year. Oops, and this year.
What this means is that I’m pretty sure my lack of serving good-luck food is directly responsible for last year’s calamities. And that this year will hold more of the same.
Last year’s murder hornets? Check. My fault. The bubonic plague-infected squirrels? Check. My fault. The Ebola-carrying bunnies? Check, once again. My bad.
These were probably all due to my failure to serve the right food on New Year’s Day.
And because I failed again this New Year’s Day, here’s a look ahead at what other disasters can be laid at my feet.
Let’s begin by looking at 16th-century French astronomer and “prophet”Nostradamus’s predictions for 2021.
First, California will purportedly be hit with a “devastating” earthquake. Yep, sorry Rod, but your home state will be wiped out.
The verse in question begins, “The sloping park, great calamity. Through the lands of the West and Lombardy,” (which, apparently, means California and earthquake).
And Nostradamus helpfully gave us a date: it will occur on Nov. 25. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Happy birthday, Rod!
Of course, California’s destruction by earthquake will only occur if the earth is not obliterated by the predicted giant asteroid. Nostradamus wrote, “In the sky, one sees fire and a long trail of sparks,” which has been interpreted by some to mean Earth’s annihilation. (It should be noted, however, that NASA has said that while we may have a near miss or two this year, the one that has even a remote chance at taking us out isn’t due until May of 2022. As I plan on serving mucho good luck food next New Year’s, this really can’t be put on me.)
Now, the only way to witness our own death-by-asteroid is to first survive what Nostradamus referred to as “The Pestilent She-Monster” (I added the capital letters for effect). And to what does this refer, you’re asking? Well, according to some, the Zombie Apocalypse (again with the capitals).
The specific verse begins, “Few young people: half-dead to give a start,” which apparently means that there will be an epic battle between the living and the living dead. The verse includes the phrase “Temporal dignified,” which, if you’re talking zombies, might mean (my theory) destruction of the temporal lobe of the brain (which processes sensory input and memory, among other things) …
… But (my theory again) the zombies might just be hungry and craving some “cervelle de human” (that’s human brains) due to the great famine that will supposedly occur this year (but might also be linked to the massive locust infestation that really will occur in May — they come out en masse every 17 years) …
… Or (also my theory) these half-dead zombie young people (Millennials?) might be the product of the equally as interesting (read: crazy) prediction that American soldiers will have microchips implanted in their brains (in their temporal lobes, perhaps?).
Of course, some believe these “super-soldiers” will be created out of necessity to save the human race — maybe from the zombies (yep, my theory).
Earthquakes and asteroids and zombies! Oh, my!
These are the things that, if they actually do come to pass, you will know who to blame (moi) and why (no lucky food). Of course, that’s assuming we all will have survived the Zombie Apocalypse.
Know this: If I do survive the zombies, I’ll be cooking up a whole mess of lucky food next year.
Stephanie Ratts GRISSOM is a Herald correspondent.